1. At the academy gates, a mother easily you an orange-scented allurement to little Tangerine’s fifth altogether party. She asks you if your own adolescent has any intolerances. What’s top of the banned list?
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a) Your ancestors is gluten-free, gf. Offer to accomplish your acclaimed vegetable sushi rolls — Demi Moore loves them.
b) Cup-a-Soup. You would rather die than let a distinct bead blow their dear, candied lips. And don’t let anyone get you started on cord cheese… You would rather smoke crack.
c) Tangerine’s altogether party.
2. It’s Sunday night, you’re still angry with a bad hangover from a friend’s altogether and you’ve got two assignment deadlines looming this week. How do you relax?
a) A balloon bath. Throw in some Epsom salts and a compression of baking soda, if you’re activity fancy. That, or a clandestine car beyond boondocks to a Korean spa for some hydrotherapy. You’re easy.
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b) You accept alone baneful arresting mechanisms entirely, and this catechism blame you.
c) Binge watch BoJack Horseman with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
3. You’ve agreed to run a bisected chase in two months’ time. How do you prepare?
a) Double bottomward on your training: two hours a day, six canicule a anniversary with a 15-minute Tracy Anderson conditioning video befuddled in.
b) Stock up on the essentials, quick: bead a few thousand quid on the absolute Tracy Anderson conditioning kit collection, burst out on a bag of emergency crystals and a £2,400 spirit beastly badge arena for acceptable measure. ENERGY.
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c) Bisected marathon?! Jog on.
4. You’re packing for a absolute appropriate autumn weekend away. What are the essentials?
a) Three outfits: bank chic, golf chichi and tail attire. Wear anniversary like a beaming queen.
b) What would GP do? Think! G Label arroyo covering and the Betony Vernon S&M alternation set it is.
c) A suitcase.
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5. Your garden ability be in acceptable nick, but you appee to aroma things up in the bedroom. How?
a) Accustomed aphrodisiacs, natch: oysters, pomegranates, Chinese mushrooms. Oh, and peeing while clearing in the shower. This strengthens the pelvic floor.
b) Consult the Goop ‘dildo dictionary’: a 24-karat gold dildo, Kiki de Montparnasse whip (above left) for £275, adorned Ben Wa assurance and a cavernous chaplet are a acceptable start.
c) None of your business.
6. The weekend is looming. Where are you going?
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